I think we all get lost or stuck at some point in our lives. We get in a rut. It’s a lonely feeling even though there are others in the same situation. Currently, I feel lost. I’m antsy and eager to get up and go somewhere. Anywhere. It’s a mixture of emotions almost feeling complacent. I fortunately have two great jobs that are helping me tremendously with money and experience. But it’s difficult to just let go of “plans.”
Whether we admit it or not we all had plans or dreams of what we thought college was going to be like after graduation. I can’t speak for those who have graduated years before me but graduating in a crappy economy is not exactly what we hoped for. We were taught in school that a degree equals a job/career. The inspirational climax of graduation day seems deflated over the fact that we get jobs to pay the bills by force. Yes, I understand we need to pay our dues but it’s not ideal to work multiple jobs and still struggle to pay bills or pay off loans. It’s very unsettling.
“There is no certainty in life and when there’s no certainty anything is possible.”
I always send my friends good vibes. I am so lucky to work at that jobs that I do. My friends often remind me that I am working at companies that allow me to use the skills we learned in school. I hope the lessons taught in school are still in my brain. It’s been a year and so many months of being out of college. My brain is no longer trained to study text books. It is being rewired to process daily tasks at my two jobs. I don’t want to come off as ungrateful because I know I am spoiled. But it’s difficult to let go of things that I want to do.
The other day, my friend and I talked for hours on the phone about feeling lost. We’re both in ruts. During our back and forth discussion, one of the things she said to me that truly stuck was “as much as we want the best of both worlds it’s not going to happen. It’s not realistic.” We want to have our dream job but we also want to live in a great city with friends. “Basically, you choose between the two. Getting your dream job vs. living in the place you want to live. You can’t have both. There is a small number of lucky people in this world that get everything they want (working hard, of course) but then there are the rest where we work our butts off just to get by.”
That advice she gave me was actually from one of her friend’s who took a class in college to prepare her for post graduation. I wish there was a class like that at UH. After doing a handful of internships and working part time jobs to now working two salary jobs it has put things in perspective. I am still young. We’re still young. I change my mind every other week of what I want to do with my life. I know I want to work in non-profits but who knows what the position will be. There are all these goals and bucket lists of things I want do and see.
I feel frustrated with myself for not taking time to enjoy post-graduation. I was so focused on finding a job to make money and start paying back loans and being independent. I don’t regret the choices I have made so far because I am learning more about life that I need to learn right now. It just sucks to have to put aside the other part of life that everyone longs for, freedom. It’s not the end of the world though. I am a woman of my word and I have goals that I can’t shake. They are inching further and further away but rest assured I will reach them.